Dedication: A Mother’s Love

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!  Let the love fest and PDA obsession take over today’s social media feed.  Everyone will express their form of love towards their significant other, families, friends, whoever it may be.  Although Valentine’s Day has become a superficial holiday where societal expectations include flowers, chocolates and a nice meal, today feels a bit different than any other day.  Today I get to enjoy Valentine’s Day with 2 children who I brought into the world.  Two children who have a roof over their head and food on the table.  Two children who have different wants and needs since one is 8 years old and the other is 9 months old.

My loves, Angelina Jade and Brandon Erikson (iPhone 6+ photo quality)

Love was a fickle word to me.  I was told to love people, but never understood how to feel it.  I would say “I love you” to my family and it would have no meaning behind it.  The movies made love look easy to find when you’re looking or not.  Love was something that had to be discovered and understood in order to feel it.  I didn’t know what love was until I met my husband.  In 2008, I attended a spiritual 3-day retreat in Upstate New York  where I faced my fears and anxieties including my out of wedlock pregnancy.  I felt ashamed and carried a big burden on my shoulders assuming my boyfriend (now husband) wasn’t going to stick around as a parent.  At the end of the 3-day retreat, I received a nice basket of love letters with praises of love and courage for the path I was walking on.  Before I opened any letters, I saw a big green envelope with my boyfriend’s handwriting on it.  Right then and there, my heart sank and I started to cry like a big baby.  I discovered love.

Watching Sebastian Maniscalco at NJPAC (iPhone 6+ photo quality)

Brandon’s baptism (iPhone 6+ photo quality)

Love has many faces and transforms itself over time.  Love is expressed in different ways that may or may not make sense.  Love is pure, honest, and transcends above anything.  Love has been tested many times in my life.  The biggest and greatest test of love has been bringing my children into the world.  Both pregnancies had different paths and challenges, but the end result was the same.  I have never loved another person so much as I love my children.  Their innocent expressions and smiles make my heart jump all the time.  Their laughs and giggles make me want to freeze time so I can hold onto their sounds for a few seconds more.  My children have brought a lot of happiness into my life.  They have challenged me to discover another level of love.  Even though one talks like a teenager and the other talks with single syllable sounds, I know how they say “I love you”. When my daughter is rewarded after doing well at school or home, she gives the best bear hugs and says, “You’re the best mom”.  When my son wakes up from a nap, he has the biggest smile when he sees me enter the room.  When I wrestle with my kids and attack them with tickles, their laughter and excitement brings joy to my heart.  Without my kids, my life wouldn’t be the same.  They complete my married life and have the best features of my husband and me.

To my kids, you are the greatest gifts that life could ever give me.  I will face more (parenting) challenges as you grow up.  I will be by your side with all your accomplishments and victories.  I will carry you when you fall and help guide you to whatever dreams you strive to.  But for now, I will squeeze you both in my arms and enjoy these precious times while you’re both little.  I love you my little babies.

Let’s Look Like a Human

These past 8 months have been solely focused on Brandon’s development which is naturally expected.  With all the weight gain and lost, highs and lows of cystic acne, and unpredictability of when the next shower will be, I have been feeling and looking like a zombie.  I sometimes walk out of the house with no bra on, food spit up on my shirt or in my hair, or without the care of brushing my hair.  Again- zombie status.

When Brandon started getting bigger, I started to make the effort of looking like a decent human being.  I no longer have to be at Brandon’s beck and call.  He shows more interest in his surroundings especially his toys and Sesame Street.  I make sure to distract him whenever I need “me” time.  When Brandon’s not looking or focusing on me, I rush up the stairs into the shower or put on some makeup to feel some type of normalcy.  I recently did a huge purge of my makeup collection.  I found (unused) items that I’ve been holding onto for 3-4 years and others have been long expired.  It took me 2 days to go through these items, prioritize what I need versus what I want, and discard the expired/unused.

Current makeup collection since 2012 (iPhone 6+ photo quality)

After sifting through this enormous pile, I realized there are certain makeup products that are a necessity to making me look like a human.  These items are a mix of drugstore and high end.  It takes me about 20 minutes to do a full beauty look: my complexion is balanced, brows and eyes are defined, cheeks are contoured and colored, and the complete look is topped with a nice lip color.

Products that help me look like me (iPhone 6+ photo quality)

Items in the picture are as follows (from left to right):  Maybelline Dream Cushion foundation (#30), NARS Velvet Lip Glide (Bound), Urban Decay All Nighter Setting Spray, Kevyn Auction Contour Duo On The Go, Make Up For Ever (MUFE) HD Cream Blush (#215), Maybelline Dream Matte Powder (medium), MUFE Aqua Matic (S-52), Charlotte Tilbury Rock ‘N’ Kohl (Barbarella Brown), Lash Star Beauty Full Control Mascara, MUFE Brow Seal, MUFE Pro Sculpting Brow (#40), Shiseido eyelash curler, MUFE Skin Equalizers (nourishing & redness correcting primer)

I uploaded a tutorial creating this makeup look on my Youtube channel.  Go ahead and check it out.  My mission for 2017 is to get back on track with creating more content for this blog and my Youtube channel.  Thanks for not abandoning me since the last time I posted here.  If I start to drift away, don’t be afraid to remind me.  A little reminder helps when you’re occupied with 2 kids.

 

Sleeping for the Past 4 Weeks

Oh man, I feel so guilty about falling behind on this blog.  For the past month, I’ve had every intention to post updates and pictures about my growing little guy.  But that’s what the “newborn baby” stage is all about.  Everything becomes secondary and gets pushed to the back as baby takes priority and sucks up every minute of your day.  Even though I’m not employed nor on maternity leave, every minute of my day is taken up by either nursing or catching up on sleep.

Brandon Erikson – 1 month old (iPhone 6+ photo quality)

In these past 4 weeks, my body has been (and still is) through a roller coaster ride of needs for my growing baby.  Brandon doesn’t have a sleeping pattern yet, but his feeding schedule is every 2 hours during the day and 3 hours at night.  He has gas issues (typical of newborns) so he’s constantly crying in pain in order to pass gas at either ends of his tiny body.  There was a point after his birth that he was eating every 30 minutes.  We thought he was sick or becoming a colic baby, but it turned out he was going through a growth spurt.  And he definitely did!  At his one month checkup with the pediatrician, he gained 3 pounds since we left the hospital 4 weeks prior.  I think the doctor was impressed with his growth even with his cheeks, thighs and arms showing signs of his chunkiness.  People who meet Brandon can tell he’s a big boy and is definitely eating enough based on his chunkiness.  I can’t get enough of his cheeks, thighs and arms- I nibble on them when he’s awake and I stroke his soft skin when he’s asleep.  Not to sound like a creepy mommy, but I think every parent (and person) can’t get enough of soft baby skin.

Father’s Day 2016 (iPhone 6+ photo quality)

Brandon Erikson – 6 weeks old (iPhone 6+ photo quality)

I’ve become nocturnal since Brandon has been home.  All I do is care for him at every moan and cry he makes.  I don’t think I remember the last time I had a full night of sleep.  I barely eat a solid 3 meals a day; I don’t change my outfits nor do I shower and/or wash my hair every other day.  Since I broke out with cystic acne along my jawline by week 2 postnatal, I haven’t worn a full face of makeup.  I don’t even think I’ve had my eyebrows threaded since the day before he was born.  BUT, I have lost half my pregnancy weight since his birth and am cleared by the doctor to do physical activities.  At my 6 week postnatal checkup with my gynecologist, I weighed in at under 200 pounds now (192 to be exact where I’ve lost 23 pounds so far).  My blood pressure is still high but wasn’t a big concern to the doctor.

Overall, my road to recovery has been pretty smooth where no health issues have come up.  I need to motivate myself to get out the door and soak up the beautiful sun.  Now that school is over and summer is officially here, I can enjoy being outdoors and take Brandon out wherever I have to go.  He’s my newest accessory that I’m ready to show off to the world.

2 Weeks Childbirth Postpartum Recovery

 

It’s been 2 weeks since my world has changed with the birth of my little baby boy.  Since we’ve been home, there’s been a lot of adjustment and reintroduction to “newborn” mode.  Luckily, we’ve had a lot of help from my parents and sister who’ve been constantly checking up on us.  It’s been really nice to be and feel like a complete family of 4.  I sometimes catch my husband with a thousand yard stare with his realization of “we’re 4 people now”.  In light of all this happy family feelings, I know I’m not 100% recovered from the delivery.  I remember a lactation specialist came to my room on the day Brandon and I were being discharged.  She asked me if I had any breastfeeding questions and/or concerns.  During her speech, she said this: “Remember you housed your baby for 9 months; it can take 9 months for you to feel like yourself again.”  I’ve never heard anyone put childbirth recovery in that perspective which makes me reflect on what I’ve been through these past 2 weeks.

My little family of 4 (iPhone 6+ photo quality)

I had an induced vaginal delivery with Brandon which was scheduled at the beginning of the month.  There were no complications during the delivery and Brandon came into the world breathing on his own with no signs of stress.  Thankfully I had no tearing that would require an episiotomy (which I had with my first born), but the doctor did have to stitch me up for some interior tearing.  The pain medicine that I was taking at the hospital made me drowsy and lightheaded, but it helped ease the pain of sitting and standing.  The maintenance and proper care of my area down there was not easy.  It’s like going through your period that’s on steroids; the cramping and bleeding exists even after childbirth.  The ease of going to and from the bathroom, the constant “diaper” pad changing and spritz of Sensi Care (or perineal/skin cleanser) was a routine that I continued at home.  I relied on a couple of perineal cleanser sprays to help relieve the pain whenever I went to the bathroom where it was really uncomfortable to pee for a while.  It’s been 2 weeks and the pain has definitely gone away.  I still wear pads and have Sensi Care in my bathroom as backup, but the cramps and pain are no longer there.  Even though the swelling and pain is gone within 2 weeks, it can take up to 6 weeks for my area down there (especially vagina) to completely heal.

4 days old, hello cheeks! (iPhone  6+ photo quality)

For the first week of being home, I had no idea what daylight was.  Days blended with each other and I had no concept of time except for when is Brandon’s next feeding.  During the first couple of days of him being home, I thought I had it easy with his feeding schedule because it was consistent.  But, there was one night where he was on my breast every 30-60 minutes.  Whether he was actually sucking or not, I felt truly exhausted by the time my daughter was getting ready for school.  I felt like my soul was sucked out of me since I practically pulled an all nighter. When I have nights like these, it’s nice to have a little help from my husband.  Even though he can’t provide milk, it’s relieving to catch little Z’s while he changes his diaper or cradles him back to sleep.

During the day, it’s nice to hear my husband’s positive affirmations of what I’m doing for Brandon.  He says things like “you’re starting to lose weight in your face/stomach/body/etc” to cheer me up.  He even praises my perky chest whenever I’m feeding Brandon.  I tell him, “Enjoy them now; they might not last long.”  Other physical changes that I noticed once I got home from the hospital included my feet and ankles swelling up like sausages.  Oh it was so painful to walk!  I propped my feet on top of pillows for a week straight to relieve the puffiness.  Thank goodness that’s gone, but I was worried it was a medical condition since I dealt with high blood pressure throughout my pregnancy.  Another change I noticed was my hair and nails growing stronger and faster.  They didn’t change in texture, but I noticed a difference.  One change I wish didn’t have to happen was my acne.  My skin was mostly clear throughout my pregnancy and pretty good for the first week I was home.  But all of a sudden, I started breaking out around my jawline and chin early this week.  I have heavy duty zits where some are clustered on both sides of my chin.  This is a typical area for my hormonal acne pre-pregnancy so maybe this is a sign that I’ll be getting my period soon (?).

9 days old (iPhone 6+ photo quality)

Breastfeeding has not been a stroll through the park, but an empowering feeling to provide sustenance for my son.  I signed up for a Breastfeeding class at my local Babies ‘R Us before having Brandon’s delivery date changed.  As I settled with the group, the instructor asked me if I was pregnant with my first.  I respond with, “Oh, I just delivered my second child last week.”  To her surprise, it made the group dynamic more interactive since I was able to provide some feedback of my (minimal) breastfeeding experience thus far.  Overall, it’s an interesting feeling when breastfeeding.  I wear different nursing pads (still testing to see which I like best) to keep myself from leaking throughout the day and night.  I have a few nursing shirts that are of different styles to suit how I feed Brandon (so far, the pull down shirts are in the lead).  I use nipple creams after every feeding because they get a bit sore after every feeding.  And, my iPhone has become my best friend during the middle of the night feedings.  I check my Facebook feed, retweet any beauty tweets on Twitter, and collect my resources on Clash of Clans.  I even chat with my uncle who’s from the Philippines (time zone is 12 hours ahead of EST).  I openly breastfeed Brandon in the house where my husband and daughter are not surprised to walk into a room and see a little head on my exposed breast.  I do cover him when my parents come over (yet, I can feed him openly when my sister is here).  When I first fed Brandon in front of my daughter, she asked me questions like, “is that the same milk that I drink?” or “are you going to feed him your other boob?” and “does he like cookies?”  She’s been receptive to all the new things she’s been learning about her baby brother.  Her newborn brother has had a positive influence to her especially in school.  Every morning, she storms into our room saying “good morning brother.”  She’s by his side every time he cries, kisses him whenever he’s awake, and calls him “little fella”.  Despite their age difference, she’s already becoming a protective big sister who’s loving and willing to do anything for him.

10 days old (iPhone 6+ photo quality)

These past 2 weeks have been a big learning curve for everyone in my household.  It hasn’t been easy, but I think we’re doing a pretty good job.  I know that I still have a long road ahead of me to finally feel like me.  But for now, I’m enjoying every minute watching my little Brandon grow.

My Family of 3 Just Became 4

Last Sunday I had my parents, sister, and mother and brother-in-law gather together at my house to celebrate Mother’s Day before the baby made his world debut.  The time between Sunday and Wednesday felt like forever, but I kept myself busy with household chores and last minute errands.  We were fortunate enough to have family stay over to take care of my daughter while my husband and I were at the hospital.  By Wednesday lunchtime, the world became a bit better and brighter because my little man entered my life.  I’m still on Cloud 9 as I float through the clouds every time I stare into his eyes and he takes in the world.  All I’ve been wanting throughout this pregnancy is to deliver a healthy baby boy and he’s finally here.

Hospital selfie with my husband (iPhone 6+ photo quality)

I woke up Wednesday morning ready to deliver this baby with basic knowledge of an induced labor procedure.  Once my husband and I settled into the hospital, my doctor informed me that I was already 3-4 cm dilated, 85% effaced, and will most likely deliver by 12pm.  To my surprise, that was a mere 4.5 hours away!  The doctor induced me by breaking my water which was a strange feeling.  It didn’t feel like I was intentionally peeing.  Rather I was involuntarily draining out fluids via the doctor pushing down on my pregnant belly.  I received an epidural which wasn’t painful as anticipated (I didn’t see the needle) until they had to redo it (FYI- the epidural is aligned with your spine and if you feel it towards the right or left side, then they have to redo it).  Unfortunately, the epidural wasn’t effective (in my opinion) because I felt all the pain and pressure in my lower abdomin up to the final push.  Side note: I guess I have a high pain tolerance because I didn’t have an epidural or any pain medication when I delivered my firstborn.  My husband stepped out of the room for some fresh air as my sister came to visit me right around 12pm.  Simultaneous, my doctor and nurse were finalizing the room and whatever was left for them to prep themselves with.  My contractions were frequent and the pain was unbearable which was the signal that baby is ready to come out.  I did a practice push with the doctor and nurse which pretty much jumped my body into active labor mode.  My husband barely made it back into the room as I started my first push.

Ready for baby to arrive! (iPhone 6+ photo quality)

Holy hell, pushing this baby felt harder and longer compared to my firstborn.  It felt like forever for him to go through the birth canal.  Everyone in the room kept telling me to keep pushing because his head was right there.  (In my head, it sounded like they were filthy liars but that may have been the adrenaline rushing through me…)  It felt like my legs were giving out at every push, my arms started to lose strength in holding up my legs, and my body slowly going into shut down mode.  Slowly but surely my little boy eventually came out and all the pain disappeared.  Well, almost disappeared because the doctor had to clean me out which was painful (stitches in your vaginal area is the worst feeling ever!).  I was in a daze as the nurse placed my naked baby on my chest; my husband still in shock with what just happened; the doctor doing whatever he was doing down there; and I was coming down from my adrenaline high.  In the end, I delivered a perfectly healthy boy less than 3 weeks before his due date.

My boys (iPhone 6+ photo quality)

Brandon Erikson Hughes was born on Wednesday, May 11 at 12:44pm weighing 7 lbs 3 oz and 19 inches long.  His first cry brought relief into my life.  Our eyes setting on each other made my heart skip a beat.  My heart flutters every time I say and realize that I have 2 kids.  My road of medical concerns and worries led up to my reality coming alive with my healthy baby boy.  My daughter loves her baby brother and she fulfills her “little mommy” role of the house quite well.  She tends to his every cry, likes to count his little fingers and toes, and insists to hold him any chance she can get.  She loves giving him kisses and saying “hey there brother”.  We’ve only been a family of 4 for a few short days, but it feels complete as our little man makes our family whole.

Welcome to the world Brandon- the world is your oyster!

Mother’s Day Reflection

To my Mom, you have brought me into this world, taught me everything I know and continue to teach me how to be the best mom to my kid(s).

Rounding out at 37 weeks pregnant (iPhone 6+ photo quality)

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and everyone in the world was showing an abundant amount of love for their mom.  Besides being mushy and gushy with my mom, she has always been there for me during the good and bad times.  She has shaped me into the woman I am today and has influenced me to always give back to society.  Whether I hold the door for someone behind me, give up my seat for an elderly person or volunteer at a soup kitchen or nursing home, she engraved the mentality of putting others before myself.  It’s very selfless to put yourself second in life, but what you reap is what you sow.  You put all your hard work of being a mom/parent/friend/worker at the beginning of life and your reward is to do whatever you want to do later in life.  That’s what my mom is doing- she’s traveling the world with my dad and is enjoying the fact that she will have another grandchild to spoil.

3 generations of ladies (iPhone 6s plus photo quality from my sister)

I was reflecting on all the mother figures in my life who have influenced me while growing up.  The ladies who come to mind are my grandmothers.  My father’s mom, whom everyone called “Lola” which means “grandma” in Filipino, practically raised me, my sister and all my cousins when she moved to the United States in the early ’80s.  One by one, she took care of all her grandchildren by living in our homes for a certain amount of years until the next baby was born.  While my parents were at work, she made sure my sister and I ate our meals, completed our homework and practiced our piano lessons.  She was a very simple, humble woman who prayed the rosary a lot.  Her passing in early 2001 was devastating to the entire family.  She left behind her husband (who shortly died right after her), 6 sons, 5 daughter in laws and 14 grandchildren.  We were all too young to be married at the time, but if she was still alive, she’d be a happy Lola to her 23 grandchildren (including spouses) and 12 great-grandchildren.  On my mother’s side, she was raised by her biological mom (named Lola Ganda where Ganda means “pretty” in Filipino) and her aunt (named Mommy Oh).  Both ladies raised my mom at different stages of her life, but were very much involved in shaping my mom into the woman she is today.  Both ladies live in the Philippines and are still kicking it in their mid 80s.  The last time I saw my 2 grandmothers was in 2012 where they met my husband and daughter for the first time.  Lola Ganda was gushing over my daughter while Mommy Oh was confused as to my husband is pale.  Both ladies have been proud of my accomplishments in life and take a special place in my heart for what they have sacrificed for their families.  I hope both these ladies have it in them to stick around a bit longer to meet my son in the future.

Overall, Mother’s Day went very well yesterday.  Reflecting on my mom and the moms before her makes me appreciate the joys of motherhood.  No one said it was easy, but it’s a job worth having for a lifetime.

4 Week Countdown Begins!

“It’s Gonna Be May”…”May the 4th/Schwartz Be With You”… Such classic phrases to start the month of May even though it doesn’t feel like it with the cold rainy days we’ve been having.  Among other things, my countdown to baby’s arrival is less than 30 days!  I can’t believe this 9 month journey has led me to this month where yesterday marked 4 weeks till his arrival.  It’s a very nostalgic feeling where I’m not afraid or worried about his health or mine because he’s made it this far.  I’ve followed every doctors’ order since January and have been honest with my feelings and concerns throughout this entire period.  I’ve let go of my worries due to my history of premature delivery and have accepted the fact that everything happens for a reason.  My husband and I have had our relationship tested with our first born and it will be tested again with our second one.  We can’t wait for him to come in 4 weeks… well, we can’t wait for him to come next week!!!

I went to my doctor’s office yesterday for my weekly check up where I had my husband join me.  My pregnancy weight has officially topped off at 212 pounds (I’ve gained a total of 37 pounds) and the baby’s weight is around 6.5 pounds.  Every time I see the ultrasound technician, she has a difficult time seeing the baby’s face.  All of his vitals, organs and limbs are doing well, but she can never get a view of his face and head for measurement purposes.  Yesterday’s visit wasn’t any different, but was a concern (a good concern) because the baby is already head down.  But he’s way down in my uterus to the point of already being in the birth canal.  My doctor did a vaginal routine to make sure I wasn’t dilating in which I wasn’t.  I haven’t been experiencing any contractions, but I’ve been having a hard time sleeping at night with the nonstop movement and spurts of cramping.  Everything seemed fine except for my high blood pressure which has been an issue for me since day one.

The doctor had a game plan that was reassuring to both me and my husband.  He told me to schedule a labor induction for next week where I’ll be 37 weeks pregnant.  He doesn’t see the need for the baby to make it to 40 weeks if he’s already low in my uterus and I’ve been having issues with my blood pressure.  He also wanted me to make a follow up appointment before the weekend.  If I go into labor, I go into labor.  If the baby doesn’t come out after being induced, then he doesn’t come out.  All in all, this baby is ready to make his debut.  My husband and I had the biggest smiles on our faces hearing this news.  We are thrilled to know we don’t have to wait any longer for our little man to arrive.  Though my blood pressure is a continuous issue, the doctor did send me to the hospital for some monitoring.  After 4 hours of bedrest at the hospital, my blood pressure was an average 117/96 for which I was sent home.  Overall, I can’t believe my little man will be here soon.  Of all the waiting periods during this pregnancy, now till next week will be the biggest one to anticipate.  I’m so excited!

“Never Have I Ever” Pregnancy Edition

Pregnancy takes a toll on your body where you experience changes that only occur during your 9 month baby cooking period.  Some changes can be mind blowing where you’re unsure whether or not it’s worthy to mention at your gynecologist visits.  Sometimes women worry about these changes that it can be a bit embarrassing to share with anyone.  Your body is reacting to your growing child as organs are being pushed around and your chemical balance is off due to your hormones.  But it’s part of life- there’s nothing wrong with these body changes.  These changes may be things that you never went through in life.  So these are my “never have I ever” experiences as my body has been changing these past few months.  Some are embarrassing, others are just changes I’m experiencing- you decide.

Never have I ever had really bad constipation… When I first found out I was pregnant, I was having bad constipation for almost 5 days.  My husband told me to either take medicine for constipation or take a pregnancy test.  Lo and behold, the white pee stick showed 2 blue lines to confirm I was pregnant.  Throughout these past 8.5 months, I’ve been having periods of having constipation and diarrhea (not at the same time) which made my trips to the bathroom very uncomfortable and long.  My bowl movements are regular now (TMI), but it was a weird phase that I was going through during all trimesters.

Never have I ever been a noisy person while sleeping… Up to now, I hate sleeping next to a person who snores heavily (I can’t speak on behalf of my husband because I’m stuck with him for life).  Obviously, I can’t control people’s sleeping habits but the only reason for this is because my Dad was (and still is) the loudest snorer I know.  People have pet peeves that gets under their skin and mine is loud snorers.  Funny with this is now I’ve become that person!  Though this has become a recent development in the past month, I never thought of myself as a heavy snorer.  Yes I breathe deeply when I sleep, but nothing too annoying that would keep my husband up.  But now the tables have turned where he even wakes up to the strange noises coming out of me.  One time I dozed off on the couch while watching cartoons with my daughter.  I woke up a few minutes later with my daughter gone and the tv a bit louder.  I figured it was my loud snores that drove her away to another room.

Never have I ever enjoyed eating a pickle… I hated pickles growing up- the smell and taste would just gross me out.  Some of my friends were obsessed with pickles to the point that they would drink the pickle juice straight from the jar (gag me).  If my meals came with pickles in it or on the side, I would request not to have it or simply put it on the side for someone else to enjoy.  I don’t know why it’s a stereotypical question people ask when you’re pregnant if you like/dislike pickles.  I’ve had people ask me this question for both pregnancies where I was disgusted by them in the first one and I don’t mind them in this second one.  I had this debate with my husband where he says, “you like pickles” and I rephrase it by saying, “I don’t mind eating pickles”.  It’s pretty much a he said, she said when it comes to pickles but I really don’t mind eating them at all.  We don’t eat pickles at home so it becomes a treat whenever I have it served on a plate.  I’m not going to go out of my way to buy a jar, but it’s a nice addition to my meal whenever I see one.

Is a “Push Gift” a Real Thing?

I received a text from my Dad asking me if my Mom would like a certain gift for Mother’s Day.  The text had a link and as I clicked on it, the idea of a “push gift” came into my mind.  I first heard about this from my cousin who delivered her 2nd child last Fall.  I look at this as a celebrity trend since they’re the ones who make this a buzz in the media (ahem, Kim Kardashian West), but I never thought it was a real thing.  I haven’t talked to other mothers about a “push gift”, but isn’t the greatest gift after pregnancy the little person that you’ve brought into this world?

Picture from InstaFather.com webpage

I guess the concept behind the “push gift” is really a congratulations reward for what you and your body have just achieved.  No one said pregnancy, labor and delivery, and motherhood is easy, but it does have its greatest moments.  So I guess it makes sense to reward yourself with a nice little gift.  After all, everyone showers baby with gifts- not for mom.  Plus, who doesn’t love receiving gifts that put a smile on your face?  So now the wheels are churning in my head and I’m brainstorming on a “push gift” even though I know my husband will not go for it.  Only reason why I say this is because my husband is terrible at giving gifts that fall out of the traditional gift giving season.  Well, the only unexpected gift he gave me was my engagement ring.  But aside that, he struggles in the gift giving department.

What could I even ask for?  I’ve been selfless in taking care of myself for the sake of the baby these past 8 months.  It has been a tough road, but I’m finally at peace with my past struggles and look forward to the debut of my Baby Boy.  The one thing I’m definitely looking forward to is a nice cold beer post baby.  But I wouldn’t expect my husband to take me out on a drinking binge because first, I’m a lightweight and second, I’m a very cheap date.  So I wouldn’t want that for a gift.  If I’m looking for something tangible, then I have a few ideas up my sleeves.

Mini Crossbody Bag – Kate Spade New York (pictures from Nordstrom website)

Kate Spade New York ‘Small Emerson Lane – Ryley’ Shoulder Bag ($358)

Kate Spade New York ‘Cobble Hill – Mini Ella’ Crossbody Bag ($248)

I remember one of my first splurges post college was a Kate Spade wallet and an iPhone cell phone case.  I’m a huge fan of her collection and I absolutely love the simplicity of her handbags and wallets.  I usually switch my purses when the seasons change from summer to fall.  Now with Baby Boy on the way, I know my arms will be tied down with the baby, stroller and a baby bag when I’m on the go.  But I still need my own bag to hold my things such as my wallet, phone, keys, and some other small trinkets.  These 2 convertible cross body bags (Small Emerson Lane – Ryley on left; Cobble Hill – Mini Ella on right) look perfect for what I will need.  Plus the color selection is perfect for summer.

Watch – Fitbit vs. Skagen (pictures from Nordstrom website)

Fitbit ‘Alta’ Wireless Fitness Tracker ($129.95)

Skagen ‘Asta’ Slim Barrel Mesh Strap Watch, 28mm ($108.75)

I remember being in love with my periwinkle Baby G Shock watch back in the day.  I thought Baby G watches were awesome because they were water and shock resistant, it had multiple functions (ie: time, date, timer, stopwatch, etc.) and it glowed in the dark.  How can you not love something like that?  Baby G watches are still around but I think the army of Fitbit-like watches have taken over.  These watches have revolutionized people’s awareness of their daily activities including any work out regimen.  I’m interested in this Fitbit watch to help me focus on losing the baby weight which I’m hoping will naturally happen through breastfeeding.  Plus I have 6 months to shed the baby weight in order to wear a Matron of Honor dress in the fall.  Maybe this watch will help aide me into working out which is not my strong suit at all.  If I don’t go this route, then a traditional watch will do.  I bought my husband and I Skagen watches a couple of years ago.  The face of my watch shattered last year and I’ve been searching for a new one to replace it.  Maybe this will be the year to get a new Skagen watch.

Compact Camera – Canon vs. Nikon

Canon PowerShot G7X ($599.99)

Nikon COOLPIX A900 ($396.95)

 

I’ve loved taking pictures since I was a little kid.  Capturing raw moments with a click of a button always fascinated me.  A picture is worth a thousand words, but snapping the right one makes it meaningful and worth while.  I’ve owned a bunch of cameras since my senior year of high school where a majority of them were either a Canon or Nikon.  I always wanted to pursue photography as a hobby or side job, but never had a chance to develop the desire to its full potential.  I’m done with taking photos on my smartphone- everything is over filtered and always looks grainy.  I know there are apps to adjust this all, but I want the real thing.  I’m not a camera enthusiast who understands the terminology that makes one camera “better” than the other.  I just want a compact camera that takes crisps pictures, has great video quality recording at 1080p and has wifi connection so I can immediately share my pictures to the virtual world.  For now, I will seek out the Canon PowerShot G7X  which is a beloved camera in the Youtube community.  Or I will wait for the new Nikon Coolpix A900 which comes out at the end of the month.  All I know is that once Baby Boy is born, I’d rather be taking crisp photos of him on a camera rather on my phone.  I’ve been dropping that sucker a lot lately so I don’t want his first accident to be of me accidentally having my phone slip out of my hands.

If all else fails, then a makeup shopping spree will do the trick!  Mother’s Day is around the corner- maybe I can get 3 gifts next month?  Mother’s Day gift, a “push gift” and a newborn baby sounds like May will be my favorite month of the year.

It’s the “I Will” Mentality

Since the end of January, I’ve been receiving my 17p shots weekly and have become best friends with the nurse who administers them to me.  In our brief 10-15 minute interaction, she’s very cheerful and uplifting with comforting words that everything will be OK with Baby Boy as he continues to grow.  She usually ends our interaction by saying, “see you next week and let’s make it to 36 weeks.”  I respond by saying, “hopefully I make it to then.”  She corrects me by saying, “not hopefully- it’s ‘I will make it to 36 weeks.'”

This past week was another bump in the road where all good feelings at being 32 weeks pregnant went down the drain.  First, I was laid off from my job on Monday due to my project being shut down indefinitely (I work in the construction industry by the way).  Secondly, my doctor told me on Tuesday that I barely have a cervix where it was measured at around 1 cm.  He didn’t want to induce me into labor, but wanted to send me to the hospital to be on bedrest for 2 weeks.  I convinced him I should be fine at home where he directed me to relieve all “mommy duties” to my husband and stay off of my feet completely.  Through these recent “downs”, I feel like I should’ve more upset with all of this.  Instead, I found comfort in the clarity of it all.

Throughout this pregnancy, I don’t think I’ve been true to myself and how I’ve been feeling this entire time.  It’s always “yeah, I’m hanging in there” or “yeah, I’m feeling fine” when really it’s something entirely different.  My biggest fear since the beginning of this pregnancy was to become a statistic of having multiple high risk pregnancies.  I convinced myself that I’m not meant to carry children to full term because of my past and present complications which are unexplainable.  These natural worries and anxieties made me feel that I couldn’t make it past 28 weeks because I thought my body was rejecting all the medicine I’ve been taking.  These feelings have surfaced throughout my pregnancy, but surprisingly this wasn’t my breaking point even after losing my job and knowing my Baby Boy might be coming very early.  I was definitely upset after losing my job, but felt better after talking to my boss in person as to understanding the situation of my project.  Losing my job wasn’t a decision based on performance, rather it’s the nature of the industry I work in.  Being told that my body is getting ready to deliver Baby Boy was no news to me at all.  I’ve been preparing myself for this since February when my cervix was being monitored and measured on a weekly basis.  So what has helped me get through these moments?  It was last Saturday while begrudgingly watching morning cartoons, I looked at my phone and my Periscope app popped up with a notification titled “20 Day Morning Meditation Day 7”.

At a young age, I was a spiritually active person finding direction and purpose in the Catholic church through prayer and worship.  I was involved in a prayer group that my parents joined in the last ’90s where they are still active till this day.  Once I went to college, my religious upbringing was quickly extinguished as I started to explore and understand other people’s views on life and their purpose.  Whenever I talk to my parents, they always remind me to pray and ask for the Lord’s guidance which I clearly don’t listen to.  Like them, I believe in the power of prayer but not as a way to talk to God.  I needed something to help me clear my mind and remove all my worries and anxieties that I’ve built up.  I didn’t want to follow an institution that would tell me what to do or how to pray.  Rather, I just wanted to find my center, refocus and recharge myself after not going or believing in the Church for the past 10 years.  I always had a hard time focusing during prayer.  I could never tune out the noise in my brain in order to listen to what my mind and body is saying.  I could never remove the feeling of being aware of my surroundings when really I just needed to focus on myself.  All of this changed when I listened to that 20 minute meditation series.

Listening to that Saturday morning meditation definitely prepared me for what was to come on that following Monday and Tuesday with my news.  Breathing deeply  through my nose and out of my mouth helps me calm my nerves and remove my anxieties that might pop up during the day.  I stay focused on my intentions of the day whether if it’s to complete tedious tasks on the computer or work on my blog.  I remind myself to let go of my worries and enjoy every present moment I have in the remaining weeks of my pregnancy.  I tell myself to say “I will” with everything I do.  The “I will/I can do” attitude helps me get through the day even though all of this has happened in the past 7 days.  I have to say that it’s been a while since I’ve felt clarity and peace during hard times.  I think all of these events have put perspective into my life’s meaning which is to enjoy the present.  Don’t worry about the future because it hasn’t happened yet.  Stop, look and savor the moment.  In just a few weeks, I will get to enjoy being a parent to 2 healthy children.  I will get to see my Baby Boy grow healthy in my arms and see him change my world.  Just writing this brings me tears of joy because it’s going to happen.  My heart is full of happiness to know that this is all going to happen.  I finally feel free of my worries.